Sunday, July 19, 2015

"Prudy is Probably Right!"

Prudence Pettaway,
and her Standard poodle Polly, host a weekly radio program for WYOY,
“Prudy is Probably Right!”
She broadcasts right from her cozy cape cod home, high up the hill on College Avenue,
where she has a panoramic view over all of Yardley Borough.

Her program consists of advise on all sorts of subjects for her faithful listeners.
Most everyone in town has come to begrudgingly rely on her knowing 
the answer to all of life’s conundrums.
She also passes on the local news ~ news not necessarily printed in the Courier Times.
As she likes to put it~

“The news nobody knows!”

“Well folks we certainly have a packed program for you today!”

She starts the show with her observations as seen from her own window.
If she by chance misses something~ Polly is sure to alert her!

“I can see Marge has a brand spanking new Pontiac!..
well, I am not sure I would have picked that particular color automobile if my latest choice
in Miss Clairol was that specific shade of ash blond though. 
Maybe she’ll ask Sandra over at“Barbie’s Bounty of Beauty”to give her a new rinse?”

“I wonder where she’s going all gussied up on a Wednesday?”

“Sarah Burns has changed her front drapes again! 
I wonder what Wilbur will have to say about that when he returns from his business trip to Chicago? 
It seems every time that poor man leaves the house there is some redecorating going on. 
Some people just can’t make up their minds..
I always say ~ do it right, and do it once!”

“Also, I can see Skeeter Cadwalader is planning to do some home repairs~
he must have completely bought out Cunnigham’s Hardware.
What are in all those little boxes?~ my guess is new locksets,
especially after what I reported on in last weeks program.”

“Folks in case any of you were out of town and missed it~
there is a mysterious man going around town walking right into people's
homes and stealing their suppers!”

“I don’t Know why Officer Tommy Taylor can’t do something about this?
You would think with the little he has to do in this fine law abiding community he could put all his efforts in to capturing this heinous criminal. "

"Why just yesterday Sally, Mrs. Honeywell’s
girl, turned her back for just a minute to water those prize winning African Violets 
Becky  keeps by the picture window~ 
 low and behold this creature steps in and walks off with Sam Honeywell’s dinner!~ pot and everything~ even Becky’s hand crocheted pot holders that she bought at the last Christmas Bazaar!  
I say creature because Sally said he was wild looking, like Spencer Tracy as Mr. Hyde! 
She was so upset she went right to church and hasn’t come back since!"

"I know all this because I sat next to Becky and Sam at the Continental last night.
They had no choice but to dine out ~ with their dinner being stolen and everything.”

Prudy was about to move on to another topic when Polly commenced to barking 
out the window, alerting her to something she must have missed.

“Oh, thank you Polly, I almost forgot! ~ Just two doors down on College Avenue
from me a new family from New York City is moving in the old Stevens place. 
I haven’t met them yet,
but their name is Farquhr- (sounds foreign too me)-but they certainly look American.”

"Three days ago when I peeked through the back parlor window as I was just passing by, 
I couldn’t help but notice Alice Fuller showing them around. 
I have to remember to mention to them that the hedge outside the back parlor window needs 
trimming~ my dress was just full of burrs!”

(Mummy, there's a scary monster out in the garden!)

A lovely couple with two children ~ as far as I could count. I know the sale went through, 
because when I happened to stop by Alice’s office selling raffle tickets for this fall’s Harvest Day, 
Susie, Alice’s secretary just happened to leave the paperwork sitting there right on her desk~ 
for any pair of eyes to see! Alice ~if you’re listening~
 you have to tell Susie to be more careful. 
Imagine what kind of private information could just spill out!

"I still can’t believe what they are paying for that old place! These New Yorker’s are going to raise  
prices around here and drive all our young ones away~ mark my words!”

"I think they are also going to be doing some redecorating~ I saw Jack James was there
with Alice, showing them a carpet and fabric swatches."

(Yes, and after we tear this wall down and put in a new state of the art kitchen,
it will be fabulous!)

“You know Jack~ Sylvie James boy, Ruth’s Grandson.
He’s moved back from New York for good I hear~ that’s a whole other story-
a disgrace!”

“Anyway, you know I will welcome these  Farquhrs~(wherever their from)~with open arms." 

"As head of the Welcome Wagon that’s my job! I already did the neighborly thing and 
left them some paint swatches by the front door. Just a suggestion for the siding and shutters. 
Peacoat Navy with Cherry Pie Red, wouldn’t that be stunning!"

"I am just sick of looking at the yellow the Stevens had for the last twenty years,
not that I wanted Charlie Stevens to have that fatal gallbladder attack, and poor Lilly having to move to Pompano Beach Florida to live with her daughter, so Sad.”

“How could anyone live in a state where alligators run loose?
Why just last year my cousin Joanie’s husband Morty lost his left foot, and a brand new set of clubs just playing a round of golf! You wouldn’t find me down there, 
you might as well live in the jungle!"

"Now, back to the Farquhars,
Susie told me Alice showed them five properties in Yardley and Lower Makefield, 
before they settled on the Steven’s place.”

“First the Mcalister’s place~but the Mrs. didn’t like the blue roof."

"Then the Reed house~ too grand!"

"Followed by the Johnson Manse out on Dolington Road-ditto~too showy."

"Next was the Applebaum’s old Tudor~ too dark."

"Then the Bleeker's, way too small!"

"Then the Keefe’s place on Evergreen- you know where they had that terrible 
grease fire in the kitchen?
I told Missy Keefe that all that fried food was bad for them!"

"That was just scandalous they way she ran off with that volunteer fireman who
saved her Grandmother’s Regency chair. 
No one has seen them, the fire truck or the chair since."

"Anyway, that house needed too much work.”

“Finally, they saw the Steven’s place~just perfect~ except I think it needs a new roof,
I’ll have to give them my nephew Pete Potter’s  business card.
I am sure I mentioned his company before- 
“Pete Potter’s Pretty Places.”
Complete home renovations.
He’s having a special on cedar shake roofs this month!”

"Well, where has the time gone?
I have just enough time for one phone call before I head over to the country club.
For those of you who aren’t members, and will be missing all the fun today, 
Madame Rosa, Psychic and Medium will have her annual visit
to the Martha Washington Garden Club luncheon."

"She is the real deal folks, remember as I reported last year, she predicted 
we would have a new head of the town council within a month.
We all pooh-poohed knowing elections were not for another year.
How could she have know Bobby Hawkins was going to get run over by that 
Clover Leaf Dairy delivery truck?
Just tragic! "

"Imagine sitting on your own patio reading the morning paper and Bam!
His wife Ellie said she doesn’t even think he made it to the horoscope section,
which could have saved his life. 
Laying right next to his poor pulverized body was the last section of the Trentonian. 
His horoscope, Leo, said that very day~
Cut back on dairy products!
Well as you can imagine there was dairy products all over the place!"

"Not to mention, 
Ellie said it took her weeks to get all those donuts that flew up into 
her awning out."

"Anyway, next week I will pass on all Madame Rosa’s latest predictions
to my loyal listeners."

"Now for a call, caller are you there?